they could never understand why i had become a "dropout", as they termed it. in the neat trajectory of their well-trimmed life, i suppose i was their only real failure. okay everyone would say i was a total useless daughter. but do they actually know? i might be one.. neither u or everyone else know.. so what's the point of saying something u actually have no idea with it.?
i didn't choose for my life to turn out like this. i never plan like this. :) but it is actually the past and i am proud for what i am now. being here all by my own... no one know how hard it was to be here.. how hard i tried. and life had teaches me too much that my brain a bit older than the rest at my age... but i guess it was the bless.~ i'd made the right decision.. and behind all the things happen in my life.. i know.. my folks are actually very proud of me.
i had wanted "freedom" from my over-protective parents and the dull aspirations they represented, but somehow had become ensnared in dreary responsibility. although flooded with all the pleasure they could give, but since the beginning, I have decided to get anything I want and with my own efforts. even though what they can give are better than what i got by my own but there's something about it make its worth it. learning to be independent wasn't that easy at first, but with perseverance and a desire to build a house using my own column,I finally stand like this. despite having well doing life. i'd live the destruction but i'd never assume the experiences as disaster, but a practical way of learning. and all these experiences made me appreciate my parents even though until now I never feel enough affection! never satisfied with small portion of love i got. even though being alone and being away from family is a normal life for me but all the distance is actually watering the seeds of "wanted" to be comforting familiarity in me that's when sometimes I am lost in my own feeling. how i miss to be home and being pampered.
i want to live my life in where the sun was always shining and no one defined me by what i did or what was my background is.
as the wind play my hair i can feel the soft touch of it on my face. i couldn't remember why i'd ever move away and returned. choosing of returning but not actually home, as to escape the person i was becoming. people on my point of view changing from positive to negative then turn to positive depends on how much they had take the negative in process of learning.
"the more u get through , the more u earn" ~ i had nodded earnestly at this injunction but in reality i actually don't understand any. "it was just an experience, and today was just another day" back to first. :) i was soooooooo stupid. ~
i guess i learn much better now. ~ and i miss mommy so much.~ im goin home for christmas....:) its holiday soon. enough with memories.
i am actually trying to improve my english :) by writing in english.
